<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Things Hester Can't Do: A List by OneStoryOneWorld</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26148388">Things Hester Can't Do: A List</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneStoryOneWorld/pseuds/OneStoryOneWorld'>OneStoryOneWorld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>#thankyouforyourservice, Anadil is a jealous one, Anadil is paranoid, Awkard, Chaddick is a veteran, Evil, Evil Plans, Hester is richer tho, Lists, Nothing explicit, Tedros is a Actor, Trouble, rich kid schenanigans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:41:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26148388</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneStoryOneWorld/pseuds/OneStoryOneWorld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hester has got the money, <br/>the time, <br/>the ideas <br/>and a considerable lack of morals. <br/>Who knows what she can do? <br/>Well, here's a list compiled by past experiences with the millionaire. <br/>{This is Paula- i've never written a crack-fic before. But this is crack. Pure unsaturated crack. Suggestive themes-nothing explicit. Minor swearing. Nothing angsty about this}</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Agatha/Tedros (The School for Good and Evil), Anadil/Hester (The School for Good and Evil), Hort/Ravan (The School for Good and Evil), Nicola/Sophie (The School for Good and Evil), dot/chocolate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Things Hester Can't Do: A List</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here is something I've been toying with-</p>
<p>A normal world (our world) AU.</p>
<p>Hester is a genius millionaire with too much time in her hands. (kinda like Tony Stark but with free time)</p>
<p>A real threat to society.</p>
<p>She's got the brains, the anger, the money and the time to stir havoc.</p>
<p>Thankfully a list and been made</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Thing's Hester Can't Do: A List and Why</strong>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>1. Kill Sophie (or the president) (or anyone really)</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) No matter what the bastard says or does, murder should be done as a group.</p>
<p>
  <strong>2. Use DEMON to spy on people</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) "It doesn't matter if they have terrible taste in technology- they have a right to privacy-"</p>
<p>(b) Its disturbing.</p>
<p>(c) No one ever finds out</p>
<p>
  <strong>3. Pose as a high-school gym teacher</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) It's cruel to have kids run 5 laps as a warm-up</p>
<p>(b) It's getting old</p>
<p>(c) She is banned from 5 high-schools (and not welcome to their high-school reunion)</p>
<p>(d) Kid claims to have trauma</p>
<p>
  <strong>4. Dress up as 'Sexy Rat' in a building occupied with Innocents</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Inspires Anadil to drop whatever she's doing – including being a lawyer to have loud and noisy sex with Hester in whatever empty room they can find</p>
<p>(b) Scares client's</p>
<p>(c) Gives Agatha an hour long migraine</p>
<p>
  <strong>5. Eat Dot's chocolate</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) …hm maybe this one shouldn't be explained</p>
<p>
  <strong>6. Blackmail the editor of 'Star Shit' to post an add with Hort's picture and number- encouraging people to call for a 'good time'</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Puts Hort in a bad mood.</p>
<p>(b) Puts Ravan in a bad mood</p>
<p>(c) The Editor tries (and fails) to sue the DEMON company</p>
<p>(d) Disappoints lonely creeps (and other lonely people) who would very much appreciate a 'good time'</p>
<p>
  <strong>7. Hack into the city's electronic billboard so that they show Tedros' selfies with the "Loreal" slogan; Because you're worth it.</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Even if Tedros thinks it's funny</p>
<p>(b) Especially if Merlin think it's funny</p>
<p>
  <strong>8. Insult Reaper in front of Agatha</strong>
</p>
<p>See 4c</p>
<p>(a) Often results in a cat fight ending with Hester badly bruised-</p>
<p>(b) Then Agatha joins the fight.</p>
<p>(c) Even if Tedros agrees</p>
<p>(d) It's just not worth it</p>
<p>
  <strong>9. Poisoning Chaddick's food</strong>
</p>
<p>See 3b</p>
<p>(a) Just because he can tell if his food's been poisoned doesn't mean it's safe</p>
<p>(b) Reduces Tedros to tears about 'his bro's near death'</p>
<p>(c) He served the dam country- give him a break. (#thankyou4yourservice)</p>
<p>
  <strong>10. Referring to her AI as "Satan's Voice" or better yet pausing wide-eyed to ask "You hear it too?"</strong>
</p>
<p>See 4b</p>
<p>(a) It's not funny.</p>
<p>
  <strong>11. Gesturing to her study and referring to it as her "secret lair" the proceeding to do an evil laugh</strong>
</p>
<p>See 4b</p>
<p>(a) And sometimes results in the police coming to 'make sure everything is alright'</p>
<p>(b) Freaks out the interns (at least the first 5 times)</p>
<p>
  <strong>12. Telling Nicola she can't cook</strong>
</p>
<p>See 8a</p>
<p>See 10a</p>
<p>(a) She goes on strike and refuses to feed anyone or cook anything for at least a week.</p>
<p>(b) Nicola ends up swearing in Latin for at least an hour</p>
<p>
  <strong>13. Commenting on Agatha's (or anyone's besides Anadil's) ass</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Makes Anadil jealous</p>
<p>(b) Results in a smack, usually for the head</p>
<p>(c) No one returns the compliment, ever (Even though Hester is convinced she has the best ass)</p>
<p>
  <strong>14. Letting Anadil's weasel-sized rat's loose to 'freshen the vibe'</strong>
</p>
<p>See 3b</p>
<p>See 4b (honestly, the clients are usually prissy wusses so PLEASE refrain from scaring away money)</p>
<p>See 10a</p>
<p>See 11b</p>
<p>(a) If Agatha is at work that day nothing stops her from letting 'Reaper stretch his legs)</p>
<p>
  <strong>15. Bully the mailman into feeding the mail, with his own hands, to Anadil's rats.</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Causes trauma</p>
<p>(b) Hort complains that he doesn't get his coupons despite being a successful body guard</p>
<p>(c) Agatha complains when she doesn't get Callis' letters.</p>
<p>(d) Everyone is generally unhappy</p>
<p>
  <strong>16. Referring to herself as the brains to Sophie's beauty</strong>
</p>
<p>See 13a.</p>
<p>(a) Sophie resents the implication that she isn't as intelligent as Hester</p>
<p>(b) Usually leads to Agatha challenging Hester to a arm wrestle for the title. (Hester usually drops it for a few weeks before picking it up again)</p>
<p>
  <strong>17. Proposing to strangers then making a scene when rejected</strong>
</p>
<p>See 13a (Anadil is a jealous bitch so stop pissing her off)</p>
<p>(a) The store-owners only give her free stuff out of pity.</p>
<p>(b) Her reputation is going down the drain.</p>
<p>
  <strong>18. DRINK VODKA</strong>
</p>
<p>See 5a</p>
<p>
  <strong>19. Eat cheese in front of Anadil</strong>
</p>
<p>See 4a (honestly, just install sound proof walls</p>
<p>
  <strong>20. Send the producer of IT, edits and script changes because "the movie should have been scarier"</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) The producers weren't impressed and now have a restraining order against the coven as a whole</p>
<p>(b) Sophie, who likes the movie as it is helped them file the restraining order, tension ensues</p>
<p>
  <strong>21. Introducing herself, Anadil and Dot as "the Coven"</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Even to strangers</p>
<p>(b) Especially to clients: See 4b</p>
<p>(c) Freaks out some of the churches, and others</p>
<p>(d) People are forgetting the genius billionaire's name in favor of calling her "the scary red-streaked one</p>
<p>
  <strong>22. Smirk at strangers on the Subway</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) It really messes them up, especially when she maintains eye-contact while phone call</p>
<p>(b) Cause many to miss their stop being too preoccupied with being freaked out by Hester's gazing</p>
<p>(c) It doesn't matter how funny it is when they file a report for her 'staring' and security has no idea what to do. Because in America- in New York, staring isn't a crime.</p>
<p>
  <strong>23. Stealing i-phones from the Apple Store to later scream Latin at the bonfire as she burns the technology.</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Neighbors have questions</p>
<p>(b) The Apple Store is thinking of suing</p>
<p>(c) It freaks <em>EVERYONE</em> out</p>
<p>(d) Why Latin?</p>
<p>
  <strong>24. Telling everyone she has cancer and not long to live</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Cancer is a very serious thing not a joke</p>
<p>(b) "It doesn't matter if they give you a free cookie-it's a terrible lie to tell"</p>
<p>(c) It pisses off people who have actually encountered cancer.</p>
<p>
  <strong>25. Making loud sex noises whenever someone is making an important phone call</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Agatha: "Mom, I swear I'm not participating in an office orgy- buzz of Hester!"</p>
<p>(b) Tedros: "Lance, I can explain, it's a prank-I swear. I'll put you on video call-No! Don't hang up! Goddamit, Hester!"</p>
<p>(c) Anadil: *sex noises* Give me a minute * smacks Hester* *resumes phone call* What was it?</p>
<p>(d) Hort: "Babe, I'm not cheating it's just Hester being an ass- Give me a sec,-HESTER I WILL CUT YOUR TONGUE OFF-" BEEP. "FUCK YOU HESTER!"</p>
<p>
  <strong>26. Screaming and destroying strangers phones whenever she hears Alexa or Siri being used</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) People are suing.</p>
<p>(b) Someone is hired to replace phones</p>
<p>(c) People are wondering why she has knives in her boots</p>
<p>
  <strong>27. Editing her own Wikipedia page</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Thanks to that multiple students write down that Hester went to UVA when she actually went to Brown</p>
<p>(b) Students are failing essay's</p>
<p>(c) She isn't a descendant of a long line to witches</p>
<p>
  <strong>28. Posting lies (and some outrageous truths) on Sophie's Wikipedia page</strong>
</p>
<p>See 27b</p>
<p>(a) Reporters are asking Sophie if it's true that she killed her first fiancée to be with her current girlfriend</p>
<p>(b) Rafal's parents are hunting her down</p>
<p>(c) She has to repeatedly tell her fans that while she is fine with the gender swap thing she never had it done to herself</p>
<p>(d) She has to edit her own Wikipedia page constantly to delete the lies (and some truths) that Hester is posting</p>
<p>
  <strong>29. Ordering Pizza when Nicola is obviously cooking</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) It usually ends up with pizza being thrown out the window of the penthouse and some type of sauce all over Hester's suit</p>
<p>(b) Nicola doesn't mind waiting to get her revenge</p>
<p>(c) Anadil is paranoid for a week, making Chaddick check if the food is poisoned. Threatening to kick his ass if he lied.</p>
<p>
  <strong>30. Asking Callis' how much her breasts reduction cost, in front of Vanessa. The turning to Vanessa and asking how much her breast implant cost. Then looking between then with great suspicion.</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) It pisses off Callis (No, it doesn't but she has an image to maintain)</p>
<p>(b) It pisses off Vanessa, who spend the rest of the day popping her chest up</p>
<p>(c) It embarrasses Sophie</p>
<p>(d) It implies that Callis' gave boob to Vanessa and that is preposterous (Right?)</p>
<p>
  <strong>31. Buying ramen when she had a chef and a cook under her roof</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Tedros rants about hungry children and how lucky she is ...</p>
<p>(b) Agatha steals the ramen because she doesn't like the fancy smancy dishes Nicola often tries to pull off (despite Nicola being an excellent cook)</p>
<p>(c) Pisses off the people who feed them…. Anyone else seeing a problem?</p>
<p>
  <strong>32. Telling everyone she and Anadil had sex in Tedros' car</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) It freaks Tedros out, he spends the rest of the day supervising the people cleaning the car</p>
<p>(b) It gives Anadil ideas</p>
<p>(c) It grosses everyone out</p>
<p>(d) Carpool is cancelled for the week, (public transport it is)</p>
<p>
  <strong>33. Kneel and excessively worship Reaper whenever he appears, muttering "Gnome King"</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Reaper scratches Hester rather aggressively</p>
<p>(b) But then Reaper is "too good" for wet cat food and won't eat anything but tuna-actual tuna- for the rest of the day</p>
<p>(c) This annoys Agatha greatly</p>
<p>
  <strong>34. Call Tedros "Daddy Issues"</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Tedros takes great offense to this</p>
<p>(b) Sometimes she says it lewdly, making people look at him with judgmental eyes</p>
<p>(c) And that makes things weird when his mom and Lancelot come to visit</p>
<p>
  <strong>35. Call Sophie "Daddy AND Mommy Issues"</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) Sophie refuses to answer to this pet name, therefore making communication rather off</p>
<p>(b) She usually hits Hester when she says it lewdly</p>
<p>(c) Hester usually end the day with a dose of paranoia</p>
<p>
  <strong>36. Winking at Agatha and say "You wish you had Daddy Issues"</strong>
</p>
<p>(A) Tedros chokes if and when Agatha agrees</p>
<p>(b) Tedros chokes further when Agatha explains that she doesn't have a father so she'd really take anything</p>
<p>(C) Tedros hacking after Hester gives him a lewd wink</p>
<p>
  <strong>37. Buy Costco's entire stock of Redbull in one go</strong>
</p>
<p>(a) While this only happens whenever Hester is working on a new breakthrough invention it always comes with complaint</p>
<p>(b) Anadil really hates having to haul a full ass trash bag after trash bag of empty cans to recycling due to Agatha's request</p>
<p>(c) Hester is <em>really</em> evil when hyped up with Redbull (See Highschool incident)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here is my explanation:</p>
<p>Hester is an engineer genius who makes stuff whenever inspiration strikes and does crazy shit in her spare time.</p>
<p>Dot runs the business aspect.</p>
<p>Anadil is a lawyer. A crime lawyer.</p>
<p>Agatha helps Dot run the business</p>
<p>Tedros is an actor.</p>
<p>Chaddick is a retired veteran</p>
<p>Nicola is a high school teacher who has the misfortune to live under the same roof as the wacko's. She is a self-proclaimed cook despite their already being hired nameless chef.</p>
<p>Hort is the receptionist and Ravan is his boyfriend.</p>
<p>Sophie is a fashion guru and model. Also a motivational speaker.</p>
<p>They all share a penthouse.</p>
<p>Hester pays rent.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>